MEET UP #4: Ethical Society Meeting

This was a solid dud. I gave it a four because I did learn a little something. Otherwise, Bleh.

Beautiful day, a Sunday, and I was ready to hear something inspirational, something to make me think. I'm in search of that lately. I'm an ex-Catholic (ran like hell the moment I could, at 18), but I miss going somewhere and listening to larger ideas. Larger than politics, etc., which is all you hear about these days. Annoying and stupid.

Oh, I should mention that the pagan group/runes-making event was a bust. By the time I checked the event over 40 people were going. The group clearly doesn't cap the number of people who can attend. I can get a crowd on Facebook. I want to be in a fairly small group where I can actually talk to everyone there if I want to. Plus the evening was to start with dinner. I couldn't imagine how long it would take for the waitstaff to get through taking and delivering the orders of 40 people. Hours I imagined. No thanks. Hopefully another opportunity will arise. I sent an email to the group moderator asking if this was the norm. If it is, I'll drop the group and go to another pagan group's events. Happily, there's more than one pagan group!

The Society's offices are in a cool old building downtown. Here's the front:

First, here's what I found out about the building because it's really beautiful and I knew must have an interesting history:

It used to be an iconic bar/concert venue known as “The Marble Bar” in Mount Vernon’s historic neighborhood. As the Congress Hotel it saw musical acts such as REM, Iggy Pop, Squeeze, Sonic Youth, and Huey Lewis and the News. Includes original 70 ft long original marble bar.

More importantly (here's info from the Baltimore Sun:), the hotel was built by philanthropist James Lawrence Kernan in 1903. He also constructed two theaters, the Maryland Theater on Franklin Street that hosted vaudeville, and the Auditorium theater on Howard Street. The hotel and theaters were interconnected. The complex had an art gallery, saloon, spa, billiard room and barber shop.

In the hotel's heyday, Al Jolson and the Marx Brothers entertained at the vaudeville house.

Two decades after Kernan's death, the Depression took its toll on the hotel and an insurance company foreclosed. The Auditorium was converted to the Mayfair Theater in 1940, and the Maryland Theater was torn down in 1951. The hotel deteriorated despite a new owner's efforts in the late 1930s to modernize it.

A Baltimore Sun article in December 1976 described the hotel as a "faded burlesque queen, filled with memories of a glittering, theatrical past and covered with embarrassing evidence of physical decay," with its 120 rooms mostly rented by transients. 

It's all cleaned up now and an apartment building, with the Ethical Society on the ground floor. It's an example of French Renaissance Revival architecture, and of the type of buildings Baltimore used to be known for.

Back to our story: I was welcomed by the president of the Society, who is a poet I know. Surprise! She seemed excited I was there (everyone is excited to see a new person; they fairly pounce on you) and loaded me up with pamphlets and copies of the newsletter. There'd been a regular meeting at 10:30 am on urban food and buying local, etc., but I was there to attend a lecture on Benjamin Franklin - humanist and freethinker.

I like history. Benjamin Franklin was superhuman, I think. Just look at his accomplishments. How could that not be interesting?

How indeed? But it was. The talk was basically a list of his accomplishments in timeline format, with embellishment and questions thrown out to the audience. There were several people in their twenties who were clearly Intellectuals and they chimed in so regularly, also debating among themselves, that I began to have that familiar feeling of overwhelming inadequacy. What I felt throughout college, really. And I started to think about what I could add to the conversation before I reminded myself that I wasn't trying to earn a participation grade. Sheesh. Just imagine sitting with a bunch of PhD candidates as they talk about something. Anything. You might know how I felt.

I am not an intellectual or an academic. And I don't mind saying that at all. I am smart and creative and that's fine with me.

I just wanted to sit and listen and think. Mostly I looked at my phone, willing an emergency call from someone, anyone, that didn't come.

We did do one thing that seemed like it would be interesting, but was mostly lame.

The speaker had printed Ben Franklin sayings on paper, then cut them into strips. We were asked to get up, pick a strip, then find someone we didn't know (perfect, I didn't know anyone!) and read our saying to them. They would read theirs back and then we'd decide if we wanted to switch. Then move to the next person for a total of three or four rounds.

Like I said, this seemed like a good idea, but once we each read our sayings there was nothing left to do. We each stared at the other, shrugging and smiling. "Do you want to keep yours?" I'd ask. "No, I'll take yours," or "Yes, I'll keep mine," they'd say and on to the next person. It was not a meaningful exchange by a long shot.

I did exchange with the first person, Anna, and here's the one she had that I liked:

All human situations have their inconveniences. We feel those of the present but neither see nor feel those of the future; and hence we often make troublesome changes without amendment, and frequently for the worse.

Yep. This situation had its inconveniences. It reminded me of a bad date. One where you both know it's going nowhere but you're willing to sit for an hour and finish your tea before leaving. You could even pull out a book and start reading and the other person would totally understand.

We sat back down and were supposed to read our saying to the group when prompted by whatever topic the speaker was on. If he asked for quotes related to civic duty and we had one, speak up!

My quote was quite general, so each time he asked for them, mine didn't fit. Finally, after about an hour, I'd had my fill so I left. Unfortunately my president/poet friend saw me leave early. I waved my phone as I exited, as if the emergency call had come through.

Just not my crowd. Ah well.

So here are some fun facts I learned that prompted me to give the event a four:

BF liked to take "air baths." He would stand naked on his balcony to air out the body. Picture that.

He's in the swimmers Hall of Fame. Didn't know there was one, but he's in it. He invented paddles, wooden pieces one strapped to one's hands, that enabled a per son to cover more distance.

He invented the Armonica - spinning glass discs that were played with a wet finger and have an ethereal sound. Its use was stopped because it was rumored to drive a person insane.

Want to hear an Armonica? Here's an intern playing the one in the Benjamin Franklin House. How's that for authentic?



He created the Junto in Philadelphia (discussion group to debate morals, politics and natural philosophy.)

Here are the first four questions of the many you had to answer correctly in order to join. See if you'd make it:

1)  Have you any particular disrespect to any present members? (Right answer: I have not.)

2) Do you sincerely declare that you love mankind in general, of what profession or religion soever? (Right answer: I do.)

(Here's where I fail. As Charles Schulz once said, "I love mankind. It's people I can't stand.")

3) Do you think any person ought to be harmed in his body, name, or goods, for mere speculative opinions, or his external way of worship? (Right answer: No.)

4)  Do you love truth for truth's sake, and will you endeavor impartially to find and receive it yourself, and communicate it to others? (Right answer: Yes.)


It's really too bad. I had high hopes for the Ethical Society. I might go back one more time and see if it was a fluke. I like their "Eight Commitments":

1) Ethics is a central human issue.

2) Ethics begins with choice.

3) We choose to treat each other as ends, not means, as unique individuals having intrinsic worth.

4) We seek to act with integrity: keep commitments, be honest, open, caring, responsive.

5) We are committed to educate ourselves, learning how to build ethical relationships and cultivate a humane community.

6) Self-reflection and our social nature require us to shape a more humane world - growth of the human spirit is rooted in self-reflection, but can only come to full flower in community.

7) Democratic process is essential to our task - respect for the worth of persons requires democratic process which elicits and allows a greater expression of human capacities.

8) Life itself inspires religious response - although awareness of impending death intensifies the human quest, the mystery of life itself, and the need to belong, are the primary factors motivating human religious response.

Don't these sound wonderful? They're like marriage vows or something. Keep them in mind if you're engaged.

These words were big and inspiring and I believed in them when I went to this meeting. But it's not the feeling I found there. I can't imagine it being there during a talk about urban food and organic farming, either.

There was an expansiveness missing, a - Oh, I know what is it - a DIVINITY. A feeling of the divine was missing. That's to be expected when anything supernatural is left out of the equation as it seems to be here.

I don't mind "God" being missing as that word will always ring hollowly of Christianity and Catholicism to me so it's not one I use or like, and never will, but a feeling of spirit or divinity is welcome. I think humans have an element of the divine. And whatever force out there in the Universe is a collective creation of everything's divinity - human, animal, vegetable, mineral, etc. So this experience fell flat without it.

The room, however, did have a super cool ceiling, with some sort of acoustic panels:

Next up: A full moon women's circle (via the other pagan group I joined as backup to the first with the too-large meetings). I am also going to another Meet Up of the hiking group as one of the points of this process is to form new friendships and/or a relationship. To do this I must go back to the groups I like. This means my life is going to quickly spin out of control with Meet Ups. I do pretty well when things spin out of control, so no matter. Let's spin away together, shall we?

WHEN:        January 29, 2012
WHERE:       Their offices
PEOPLE:      17 (7 older, 4 forties/fifties, 6 in their twenties)
COST:           $0
MILES:         8 miles RT
RATING:      4/10
THEME:       Spiritual, intellectual, ethical

MEET UP #3: Knitting

The morning of the knitting Meet Up I woke up to this:

This is actually not the view outside my window - I live in the city in a neighborhood of row homes - but it's prettier. It's near the Mill where the Meet Up was being held.

So, an inch or two of snow, but with icy rain on top and still falling. Very cold. Very gray. Blech. AND, I had to be there by 9:30 a.m. on a Saturday. AND it was a half hour drive.

I'm sorry, but I am not a morning person. I don't pop out of bed all perky and excited for a new day at 5 a.m., meditate, exercise for two hours, then yoga, then a smoothie with algae in it. Gag me. I am very much the kind of person who, on a gray snowy day, stays in bed with tea and a book and maybe gets up to brush my hair around two.

If only one could just have a Meet Up in bed. Not that kind. At least, not yet!

But that's not the point. The point is to get out there and meet people. To do what I normally wouldn't do. To not take the easy way out on a Saturday morning and let inertia win.

To look back in December and have an accumulation of experiences that add up to a well-lived year.

FULL DISCLOSURE: I was sick on Wednesday and missed the knitting Meet Up on Wednesday (fortunately, they have three of them a week in various places, so I didn't actually miss anything). I did get ready, drive there, and start walking up to the restaurant clutching my needles and yarn, ready to join in, but I saw the 25 or so people in the window, sitting in a packed cluster together, knitting and talking and I felt so tired.

Going to a Meet Up requires some level of being 'on' and I just didn't have it in me at that moment. Not for 25 people. Not for 5 people. What I had was a sore throat and a headache. So I went home.

That meant no excuses on Saturday morning. It took me a bit to find the place; I kept making wrong turns. I finally found it but had to park in the lower area because I couldn't figure out how to get to the upper parking lot (twisty turny roads). This meant a treacherous climb up some thickly iced steps in sneakers, and a long walk in the cold across the mill 'campus' to the other side where the weaving building had been. Inside I found a boutique mall with some cafe-ish type places to eat. It was totally empty - some of the stores were still locked up, except for two women knitting by one of the cafes. Couldn't miss them.

I introduced myself and they were very welcoming. This is a theme so far. Everyone I meet seems to be very happy that I've joined the group and showed up at an event. This is a new thing, in my experience. A friend and I were just discussing this phenomenon last night.

It hasn't always been the case that people are glad that you're suddenly inserting yourself into their group. Groups used to be clique-ish and closed off. If you weren't invited or brought by a member, you were an intruder and not wanted. Frozen out.  I have been guilty of this behavior myself, in my twenties. You feel really powerful in your twenties. Like high school power (if you had some then) but with the freedom of adulthood thrown in. You don't live with your parents and you have your own money. No one is the boss of you! And that means you can decide not to like someone because of how they look or talk or whatever stupid reason you think is a good one. You and your group will be together forever and no one who doesn't belong is going to get in.

What a load of crap. Of all the people I hung with at that time, I only talk to one person still. My best friend. The rest? I have no idea where they are and, though I wish them well, I don't care. I'm open to anyone now. People are fascinating (most of them) and I can usually find one interesting thing in every one I meet, even if I don't plan on meeting them again.

So, knitting. Carol and Jenny (again, not real names) made me feel welcome. Carol moved her chair over and immediately started teaching me to knit. I was relieved that there were only two people. One: because the crowd of 25 at the restaurant on Wednesday was too much for me (I need a smaller group, if possible, I've discovered - better chance of connecting than being swallowed up by a crowd), and two: if I'm learning something new, I don't need a big audience to make me any more self conscious than I already am.

I'd borrowed yarn and needles from my sister, who took up knitting with a group, then abandoned the knitting but kept the group for the wine and conversation. That's my kind of hobby! you might say, but I'd actually like to make a scarf, so....

It's clear to me now that my brain is a bit of a jumble these days (maybe I haven't learned anything new in a while, which is not a good thing), because I had trouble following how to 'cast on' (get the first round of stitches onto the first needle), which they called a 'gauge' stitch, probably related to the gauge of the needle, but others I've told about my experience called it a 'knit' stitch or 'plain' stitch.

You do a sort of cat's cradle thing with your left hand and then weave the needle through the loops and then pull through so the 'stitch' is now a loop on the needle. Then you repeat until you run out of yarn (hopefully you pulled out the right amount for the right length or width of your project).

I'm usually a visual learner, but something about the weaving and looping and cats cradling at 9:30 on a very cold Saturday morning was not working for me. I had eaten chocolate for breakfast because running late so I think all the synapses I needed were firing merrily in the wrong directions as a result.

I did finally get it. If you're interested, here is a video with the basics. The cast on method is different, but actually easier, I think, because it mimics the plain stitch moves you do once you have one needle full of stitches and are ready for the next row using the second needle.




There is annoying music with this video that I muted while watching. Very distracting and not at all suited to the subject! I guess it was trying to make knitting hip or sexy, neither of which it is.

Eventually I had both needles in play and managed a few rows of the plain stitch. My moves with the needles could not have been more awkward but I did feel fairly proud of myself and Carol was very encouraging, telling me I'd picked it up very quickly and that I'd just learned 90% of what I needed to know in ten minutes. That's a pretty good return on one's time. Why aren't more things like knitting? Like college?

We then tried the purl stitch, which creates a 'V' shape, and seems to be a reverse of the moves for the plain stitch. This one turned out even more awkward and I kept messing it up and having to pull out a stitch and do it again. The result looked nice, but I got myself into something of a snarl with very tight loops on one needle that made it hard to pull the other needle and yarn through. I managed to fix it and decided to do a plain stitch for the rest of the piece.

By then seven more women had shown up with various complicated projects (to me): sweaters and booties and reversible scarves with ruffles. The woman with the sweater, Sandy, needed help figuring out the number of stitches for the size she wanted and I could not repeat the talk of how to calculate them that went on for ten minutes. It was way too complicated for my reptile knitting brain.

Some women had these cool, slim metal needles attached to cables that enabled them to make both booties at once, or a sweater or a very long scarf. I want these now!

If I have the cables, I can knit a scarf lengthwise rather than width-wise, which takes longer. I'm committed to width-wise now, but for future reference, that's the way to go - with cables. For now, whatever. I'm happy with what I have. I'd like to be able to check 'knitted scarf' off my list of things (great and small) that I'd like to accomplish this year. Apparently, a good sized scarf is 60 inches.

I made lots of mistakes, but also learned that multi-colored yarn covers up a multitude of sins. Hurray!

I also learned:

1) Knitting needles don't click. The metal ones sometimes do, very very quietly. So if you're a writer and one of your characters knits, don't put in as a sensory detail that the needles clicked. They don't. Not really. I will never make that error again.

2) The women don't talk like wise crone mothers or something, telling folktales, exchanging herbal medicine recipes, and dispensing sage advice. They talked about deaths, illnesses, shoes, and football (big game that weekend). Sigh.

The closest we got to fulfilling the second myth was when one woman told a story of finding a stash of yarn bought by her husband's grandmother decades before. The grandmother bought it for ten cents, fifty cents, etc. and the color was a lovely pale peach it seemed would be hard to find nowadays (especially now, jewel tones are in). The yarn itself was very thin and tight. The woman in the group and her daughter (who wasn't there) were making a sweater together to sort of carry on the grandmother's hobby and purpose for the yarn. Nice, but not as good as a folktale.

Another knitting group collected at a nearby table; they seemed like a class. They were a noisy bunch, but my group didn't seem to notice or feel competitive. We were quite quiet, actually. There were long stretches of silence like I've not experienced before. A mix of slightly uncomfortable (not, OhMyGodWouldSomebodySaySomething. More like, It would be nice if someone said something, I'd prefer it, but it's okay if not, still, could someone say something?), and slightly focused and peaceful. A bit of tension, a bit of calm.

I really wanted to tell them about my Meet Up project and ask them what they thought of gathering like this. What prompted them to join. Who had they met? Had friendships formed? What did they get from the experience? I figure I should be asking people these types of questions. Be a Meet Up Anthropologist/Sociologist.

But I chickened out and when asked why I'd joined the group said I wanted to meet people outside my regular social circle. Which is true.

I stayed over two hours, though, and knitted two inches. Later, in the evening, I knitted another two inches, and did one more last night. That's 5 inches. Only 55 to go!

Next Up:  A meeting of a pagan group. We're going to make our own runes then learn how to cast them. It will be my fourth Meet Up event and I'll have completed January.

Here's my knitting so far - that really is 5 inches; it gets bunched up! - and a (hopefully) cool picture of a bridge near the Mill. (Seriously, doesn't it make you want to go back to bed?)

WHEN:        January 21, 2012
WHERE:      Old mill buildings converted to boutique mall
PEOPLE:      9 (all women in forties or fifties)
COST:          $3 (toll road)
MILES:        46.94 miles RT
RATING:     7/10
THEME:       Craft

MEET UP #2: Science Fiction Society Meeting

I'd always wanted to go into this building. It's a plain, rather creepy gray stone on the outside with one window oddly placed to the side and diagonal to the door. Not centered horizonally or vertically. Just randomly placed. In the window is a black cloth with the name of the society in silvery letters. The door is glass and covered over in paper so you can't see inside. It borders on funeral home. Didn't help that it was 8:30 p.m. on a dark, cold winter's night.

When I pulled the handle it appeared locked. I will be honest here, part of me thought: "Great! I'll go home and read!" but the other part, the part that is not going to let me fall down on this project, said, "Knock on the door, Loser." So I did. It was opened by a young man, typically geeky/nerdy - big glasses, flyaway hair, turleneck. Wouldn't look me in the eye. I asked if Jan was there, the woman who'd emailed to welcome me to the group and they said they didn't know and went back to playing their game. So I went through a doorway into one giant room full of chairs, walls covered with bookshelves and books, and a long table in the front where the 'officers' of the society were sitting (it was the monthly business meeting).

I walked up to the first person I saw and said, "I'm new. Just joined on Meet Up. Where is Jan?" He smiled and pointed to a woman at the front table. Jan was in black sweats with pearl earrings (?). She had the long hair parted in the middle, a sort of Mamas and Papas Michelle Phillips look. She was very enthusiastic and welcoming, and immediately got up and started introducing me around. In the space of 10 minutes I got sucked into:

1) working with a member who is a physicist and is trying to enlist teachers to create a science fiction curriculum for high school students
2) judging a writing contest
3) helping out with their annual sci fi conference
4) I was asked to join a poetry critique group and a book club but had to decline. One must draw a line somewhere!

Another small town story - these always surprise me - one of the women I met turned out to be the mother of a teenager I taught at a local arts high school five years ago. Her mother, Margaret, called her during the break to tell her and she remembered me and said hello. I admit I felt a teensy bit old. Had five years really passed? What did I have to show for it? That sort of thing. Her daughter is graduating from a great university and then getting married. Not the same as going to 52 Meet Ups. Ah well! I still love my little project.

Here is the Dalek they decorated like a Christmas tree (upper right, sorry about the head in front of me.

We finally sat down to the meeting. To best describe the people, picture a blend of Twin Peaks characters and those in the bar scene of Star Wars. Lots of older men in suspenders and flannel with long white beards. Women with long white hair and strange caps. Young nerdy guys with big glasses, heavyset middle aged women with frizzy hair.

First order of business was:  new people! Since I'd been introduced around everyone pointed to me. I waved, said hi, had to explain what I taught at Margaret's daughter's school, how I'd found out about the group, etc.

The meeting was what you'd expect - minutes from last time, accounting stuff, upcoming events and who's doing what. Someone wanted to start some kind of singing group and a lot of time was spent on deciding what day and time that would take place on a regular basis. I tried to figure out how singing and science fiction go together but came up empty. Clean up duties around the building were discussed, committees related to the sci fi conference, a donation in the name of a member who had died, then the announcements.

One gentleman announced that Sears might go bankrupt (again, how this related to sci fi I don't know, but one could say it did qualify as an announcement), and a long debate about how that happened, some legal stuff, and something about shareholders, ensued. I didn't care to follow it. People got very excited.

Another woman announced that she'd bought a car. People then had to know what she'd had and for how long (a Tercel for 28 years). The trade in ($100), and what she'd bought (A Yaris the color of the TARDIS). At least there's a bit of a sci fi connection there. Her husband said they are trying to figure out how to change Yaris to TARDIS on the car and they'll report back. You can be sure I'll keep you posted!

I hadn't eaten dinner and thought about announcing that, but it was my first meeting and I'd had my moment at the beginning.

Did I mention that a gentleman was lying on a lounge chair, the kind you use for the beach, in the middle of the aisle the whole time?

When the next showing of Game of Thrones in the building for a group watch was decided and meeting adjourned.

I guess I was hoping for a meeting where people shared alien abduction experiences, or did dramatic readings from The Martian Chronicles. Obviously that's silly. It was so normal. Well, except for everyone's hair.

Not sure about friend possibilities. I was my own demographic. And no dating possibilities here. I had a 'what if?' moment when assigned to the physicist (would be cool to be married to a physicist - I heart science and watch NOVA religiously. I also built a rocket in my physics class in high school and accurately predicted its trajectory and where it would land. Finding out people are mostly space and that the only reason your hand doesn't go through the table is that the table is pushing back was a religious experience for me). But, alas, turns out he's married.

Margaret and Jan loaded me up with reading material about the society and I made my way out into the night feeling pretty pleased with myself. Two meetings down, I'm getting the hang of it.

I'm learning the human landscape of my city. From what I've seen, it's a many-splintered thing. Odd, but endearing.

Tomorrow night I go to a knitting Meet Up. I borrowed my sister's needles (purple, my fave) and some gorgeous blue-purple yarn. I read in the British Poetry Society monthly newsletter that they gathered a group of 1000 knitters and knitted a Dylan Thomas poem. Each person created multiple squares of one letter against a contrasting background.

Here's the link so you can read about it:  Knitted Dylan Thomas Poem

Or just the picture:

Maybe I could do that with a scarf? But knit Emily Dickinson or Mary Oliver or Wendy Cope.

I just love Wendy Cope. She's a British poet - clever and sweet and funny. Here are some of my favorites of her poems:

THE ORANGE

At lunchtime I bought a huge orange —
The size of it made us all laugh.
I peeled and shared it with Robert and Dave —
They got quarters and I had a half.

And that orange, it made me so happy,
As ordinary things often do
Just lately. The shopping. A walk in the park.
This is peace and contentment. It’s new.

The rest of the day was quite easy.
I did all the jobs on my list
And enjoyed them and had some time over.
I love you. I’m glad I exist.

TWO CURES FOR LOVE

1 Don’t see him. Don’t phone or write a letter.
2 The easy way: get to know him better.

FLOWERS

Some men never think of it.
You did. You’d come along
And say you’d nearly brought me flowers
But something had gone wrong.

The shop was closed. Or you had doubts —
The sort that minds like ours
Dream up incessantly. You thought
I might not want your flowers.

It made me smile and hug you then.
Now I can only smile.
But, look, the flowers you nearly brought
Have lasted all this while.

WHEN:             January 14, 2012
WHERE:           Building owned by the society
PEOPLE:          About 40 (mostly middle aged or older, some young men in twenties)
COST:                0 - will be $35 if I go to another meeting/event
MILES:             Less than a mile from my house, yay!
RATING:          7/10
THEME:           Science (sort of)

Meet Up #1 - Hiking

Things got off to a very good start!

I had a poetry competition to run on Friday night and didn't get home until nine, after stopping for groceries, so I wasn't hugely keen on getting up and getting right out the door for a 3 mile hike with strangers.

However, this was a defining moment. An important moment. It was the first week of the new year, the first Meet Up I signed up for, and so my project lived or died that day, based on what I decided to do.

It was also Saturday, so no chance of finding another group meeting on Sunday (well, maybe, but I didn't want to spend the time) so I could skip that day. I really wanted to go hiking, especially a low key one (I do not understand people who get up at 6 a.m. to hike 10 miles up a mountain. No thanks.)

(Note to self: reply to two events, one on week night, one on week end, so if one doesn't work, the other will.)

I felt so much resistance, though. It wasn't the group itself, it was making the effort. Honoring the commitment to step over a line and expand my life. To take the action that changes my life, and me. Sets me on the road to being a different person. No pressure, right?

I did what I always do in these situations - when it's the day I have to give a big presentation at work, or go to the dentist to have a cavity filled, or on a blind date: I just get ready and tell myself I can pull out at any moment. I tell myself this all the way during the drive to where I need to be, parking, walking into the place, meeting whoever, doing my part. I tell myself: be afraid later, after it's over. Plenty of time then. Just promise yourself you will panic later. It works.

What also helped me get myself out the door and to the event with ten minutes to spare, was that it was a beautiful day. Sixty-five degrees in early January. I live in the Mid-Atlantic region. It should be in the thirties. Crazy. Sunny with big fluffy clouds. Gorgeous. If not obligated to the group, I was obligated to the weather to be outdoors and DO something to take advantage.

What also works (as long as not job-related): tell yourself you're taking a class in whatever it is you're doing. I was taking a class in hiking. I never feel nervous going to a classroom full of people I don't know. Taking a class gives you a legitimate purpose. Sometimes 'making friends' sounds rather nebulous, whereas learning something alongside other people, gives what you're doing a container.

I was the second to arrive, after (names will be changed, which will be a fun little challenge for me if I see people again, trying to remember what I called them. I'll have to make a key) Marcy, then Terri, then Vaughn. Two other men showed up - Charlie and Sam. The organizer, Rhonda, was last.

We talked easily. This is the great thing about Meet Up - the very circumstances give you something to talk about. Like online dating. What groups you belong to, how many events you've attended, the type of people you've met. Most were new. It's a really good idea to do something like this at the start of the year. Many people join Meet Up groups as part of a New Year's resolution.

AND, it means you are meeting people who are actively seeking a social life. They are ready and willing to get out there. They are making a commitment to their own life and interests and personal growth. All good things in terms of people I want to connect with.

One of the girls in particular, Marcy, had a great spirit and liked to talk. Someone I would hang out with again. As we set out on the trail, I walked with her and Terri. Sam and Rhonda walked ahead. Vaughn and Charlie at the back. To start was a steady decline down to a rocky stream, then crossing the streams by a railroad tunnel (no pic of tunnel but here's the stream): 

Yes, there were two guys there who I found interesting and spent time talking with. Vaughn caught my eye first. Tall, broad shouldered, attractive, nice smile and friendly eyes. Brown hair, glasses. Good vibe. Around my age, maybe a little bit younger. Sam was tall, lean, a runner, I'm guessing. White spiky hair, early fifties?, glasses, also attractive. But I didn't want to just make a beeline for the men.

This is what I do - usually I start conversation first (I'm an assertive person. Not aggressive, just assertive), ask strategic questions, flirt too much, see how I feel, could I marry this person - yes or no? It's exhausting and false and stupid. We women do this a lot. Very bad habit. Dating is one of those situations that does not mesh with the mentality of 'think from the end.'

I need to just experience being around the man. Let him approach. Be myself. See how I feel.

And for heaven's sake, it was a hike, not a singles bar event. The goal was not to be engaged by the time we got back to the parking lot.

Eventually, after some stopping to look at the water, then climbing a steep hill and looking from there, people switched places and I was behind Vaughn. We began to talk about the aforementioned topics - previous Meet Ups, hikes, where we lived. I lost my dog almost a year ago so we talked pets (actually three of us on the hike had lost our dogs last year so we bonded over that). He's from New Jersey, works about a half hour north of where I live, was funny in a low key way, not full of one liners, like he was giving me a monologue. You know those guys. He seemed genuine, nice, like a good guy. Good is delicious. Swoon.

We passed lots of people with dogs splashing around in the stream, then took another steep climb. This was the hard part for me. That and that we had a pretty good pace - not as slow as I expected. I don't do climbing well. It's usually too much for me. And, I don't mind admitting, there were a couple of times I thought - Hmm, I might throw up. How can I do this gracefully? The answer was: You can't. So I didn't. But I was so glad I hadn't eaten breakfast.

We also ended up, somehow, off the blue trail and on the red trail, and no one could remember how BIG the red trail was. Was it a hard one? Was it the biggest trail in the park? Were we doomed? Terri told the story of a hiker recently rescued out of another state park in the area after using his flashlight to signal the rescue helicopter (he couldn't get cell reception). I said I had a flashlight app on my phone and it was winter, so no leaves to block the light, so that took care of that problem.

I ended up back with the girls after that, until we reached the summit (of whatever, I have no idea). We stopped to take pictures - lovely little waterfall in the background here if you have extra good vision.

After we finished the climb down some rather slippery places (mud and leaves, not a good combination), I ended up walking with Sam, who set his pace to mine (think tortoise) because we were going back up a long hill to the parking lot. He was one of the people who had lost his dog, also a terrier, so we talked about dogs (we both got a little emotional over that and he wasn't afraid to be so - swoon again), work, where we lived. I had to stop a couple of times (I wasn't the only one, thank goodness), and he waited with me.

Can I tell you how hard it is to hold up your end of a conversation when you're sweating and panting and trying not to look like you're sweating or sound like you're panting? And also try to retain some measure of your feminine grace? In sex it's hot. When meeting someone for the first time, not so much.

Pause here to say that all the men were rather gallant. They walked next to or behind us on the iffy bits to make sure we got through them before they continued on, and helped us down a few really steep parts. Very gentlemanly. Take heart, it's still out there ladies!

Here's where the world gets really small. I hope you can follow this as I don't want to give too many names. Sam is a musician. When he told me that I asked where he played (I thought a band in a bar). He said an orchestra. I asked which and when he told me, I told him that my uncle had played in the same orchestra until he died over a decade ago. He asked his name, I told him, and he told me that he'd bought my uncle's cello (that's what my uncle played and Sam too) after his death, from my uncle's partner (my real uncle, brother to my mother. The two men were together long before I was born, so my cello-playing uncle was always considered family).

I almost cried - how beautiful is it that my uncle's cello is still being played in that orchestra? Wonderful. We were both surprised and pleased by it. (If you're a poet, hands off - I write poetry too and this one's mine.)

By that time we'd returned to the head of the trail and all parted ways. We'd completed 2.8 miles in 1 1/2 hours. Not bad for people who don't hike, which is what the group is for.

Seriously, it could not have been better. The group had great chemistry, we worked well together, negotiating the terrain and navigating the trail. At one point we ended up off the red trail and on the YELLOW trail (how this happened, none of us knew - we need to work on this, I know), and Charlie remembered the placement of the yellow trail on the map and got us back to the blue trail. So we covered the primary colors.

I got in my car, drank a whole bottle of water, took some ibuprofen (splitting headache), and sang to the radio all the way home. I loved it. I know not every Meet Up will be this fun, but I'm hoping they will be and I'm open to fun ahead. I think the Universe approves of my project.

NEXT UP:  A meeting of the local science fiction society. (I'm a huge Doctor Who fan.)

WHEN:             January 7, 2012
WHERE:           A State Park
PEOPLE:          7 (4 women including me, 3 men, all around my age)
COST:               $2 entrance into park, $1 Meet Up fee to maintain website
MILES:             34 round trip
RATING:          10/10
THEME:            Nature

52 Meet Ups in 2012

I must be crazy, at least that's what my coworkers and friends are telling me, but I came up with an idea on New Year's Day that really thrilled me: I'm going to join 52 or more Meet Ups and attend one meeting for each this year.

One Meet Up a week.

My job is very busy and I have to go to so many events for work that sometimes I just hole up in my house an entire weekend, or every evening for a week if I can get away with it, and try to reclaim my time. People in general are starting to annoy me, so I need some perspective! I need to throw myself in to meeting new people and like them again.

Of course I see family and friends. I belong to two writing critique groups. I go to lots of movies. I walk. I go to readings and travel. But things need shaking up. I need shaking up. In a GOOD way.

I also lost some friends this year - not like that - through moves or just drifting apart. It's not as easy to make new friends in your forties as it is as a kid or in college or in your twenties. I do usually meet and make new friends, somehow they just show up, but why not be more proactive?

It's more than that, though. I'm starting this project in order to:

- Make new friends

- Explore my city and surrounding areas (see things I haven't seen)

- Meet Mr. Right for Me

- Test and refine social skills (we could all use help here. It's hard to just go right up and talk to people when you don't know anyone - or at least it's not easy for me, without context - work event, for example)

- Expand horizons in general - try some things I would normally other try (like bellydancing, which is on the list)

And since I'm a writer, these meet ups will give me more experiences that might feed into a story one day.

DISCLAIMER: I'm not doing it expressly for that purpose! I'm in to fully participate as myself, first and foremost. Not be the observer, storing up info. But, if someday I have a character who takes belly dancing classes, well then I'll know how to write about that.

On my list is a mix of basic and some off beat stuff. For example - I'm going to a knitting group one week, but the week before I'm attending a meeting of the local science fiction society. Another meet up is a star gazing party. Another is a visit to Gettysburg with a group into the paranormal. Hiking, travel, yoga, a full moon circle, meditation, dancing.

If I like a group, I'll go again. I can't just hop from group to group like stones over the social pond. One must fall in somewhere.

I can see the crash and burn already, can't you? But I'm game and so we begin with a hiking event on Saturday!