I had a poetry competition to run on Friday night and didn't get home until nine, after stopping for groceries, so I wasn't hugely keen on getting up and getting right out the door for a 3 mile hike with strangers.
However, this was a defining moment. An important moment. It was the first week of the new year, the first Meet Up I signed up for, and so my project lived or died that day, based on what I decided to do.
It was also Saturday, so no chance of finding another group meeting on Sunday (well, maybe, but I didn't want to spend the time) so I could skip that day. I really wanted to go hiking, especially a low key one (I do not understand people who get up at 6 a.m. to hike 10 miles up a mountain. No thanks.)
(Note to self: reply to two events, one on week night, one on week end, so if one doesn't work, the other will.)
I felt so much resistance, though. It wasn't the group itself, it was making the effort. Honoring the commitment to step over a line and expand my life. To take the action that changes my life, and me. Sets me on the road to being a different person. No pressure, right?
I did what I always do in these situations - when it's the day I have to give a big presentation at work, or go to the dentist to have a cavity filled, or on a blind date: I just get ready and tell myself I can pull out at any moment. I tell myself this all the way during the drive to where I need to be, parking, walking into the place, meeting whoever, doing my part. I tell myself: be afraid later, after it's over. Plenty of time then. Just promise yourself you will panic later. It works.
What also helped me get myself out the door and to the event with ten minutes to spare, was that it was a beautiful day. Sixty-five degrees in early January. I live in the Mid-Atlantic region. It should be in the thirties. Crazy. Sunny with big fluffy clouds. Gorgeous. If not obligated to the group, I was obligated to the weather to be outdoors and DO something to take advantage.
What also works (as long as not job-related): tell yourself you're taking a class in whatever it is you're doing. I was taking a class in hiking. I never feel nervous going to a classroom full of people I don't know. Taking a class gives you a legitimate purpose. Sometimes 'making friends' sounds rather nebulous, whereas learning something alongside other people, gives what you're doing a container.
I was the second to arrive, after (names will be changed, which will be a fun little challenge for me if I see people again, trying to remember what I called them. I'll have to make a key) Marcy, then Terri, then Vaughn. Two other men showed up - Charlie and Sam. The organizer, Rhonda, was last.
We talked easily. This is the great thing about Meet Up - the very circumstances give you something to talk about. Like online dating. What groups you belong to, how many events you've attended, the type of people you've met. Most were new. It's a really good idea to do something like this at the start of the year. Many people join Meet Up groups as part of a New Year's resolution.
AND, it means you are meeting people who are actively seeking a social life. They are ready and willing to get out there. They are making a commitment to their own life and interests and personal growth. All good things in terms of people I want to connect with.
One of the girls in particular, Marcy, had a great spirit and liked to talk. Someone I would hang out with again. As we set out on the trail, I walked with her and Terri. Sam and Rhonda walked ahead. Vaughn and Charlie at the back. To start was a steady decline down to a rocky stream, then crossing the streams by a railroad tunnel (no pic of tunnel but here's the stream):
Yes, there were two guys there who I found interesting and spent time talking with. Vaughn caught my eye first. Tall, broad shouldered, attractive, nice smile and friendly eyes. Brown hair, glasses. Good vibe. Around my age, maybe a little bit younger. Sam was tall, lean, a runner, I'm guessing. White spiky hair, early fifties?, glasses, also attractive. But I didn't want to just make a beeline for the men.
This is what I do - usually I start conversation first (I'm an assertive person. Not aggressive, just assertive), ask strategic questions, flirt too much, see how I feel, could I marry this person - yes or no? It's exhausting and false and stupid. We women do this a lot. Very bad habit. Dating is one of those situations that does not mesh with the mentality of 'think from the end.'
I need to just experience being around the man. Let him approach. Be myself. See how I feel.
And for heaven's sake, it was a hike, not a singles bar event. The goal was not to be engaged by the time we got back to the parking lot.
Eventually, after some stopping to look at the water, then climbing a steep hill and looking from there, people switched places and I was behind Vaughn. We began to talk about the aforementioned topics - previous Meet Ups, hikes, where we lived. I lost my dog almost a year ago so we talked pets (actually three of us on the hike had lost our dogs last year so we bonded over that). He's from New Jersey, works about a half hour north of where I live, was funny in a low key way, not full of one liners, like he was giving me a monologue. You know those guys. He seemed genuine, nice, like a good guy. Good is delicious. Swoon.
We passed lots of people with dogs splashing around in the stream, then took another steep climb. This was the hard part for me. That and that we had a pretty good pace - not as slow as I expected. I don't do climbing well. It's usually too much for me. And, I don't mind admitting, there were a couple of times I thought - Hmm, I might throw up. How can I do this gracefully? The answer was: You can't. So I didn't. But I was so glad I hadn't eaten breakfast.
We also ended up, somehow, off the blue trail and on the red trail, and no one could remember how BIG the red trail was. Was it a hard one? Was it the biggest trail in the park? Were we doomed? Terri told the story of a hiker recently rescued out of another state park in the area after using his flashlight to signal the rescue helicopter (he couldn't get cell reception). I said I had a flashlight app on my phone and it was winter, so no leaves to block the light, so that took care of that problem.
I ended up back with the girls after that, until we reached the summit (of whatever, I have no idea). We stopped to take pictures - lovely little waterfall in the background here if you have extra good vision.
After we finished the climb down some rather slippery places (mud and leaves, not a good combination), I ended up walking with Sam, who set his pace to mine (think tortoise) because we were going back up a long hill to the parking lot. He was one of the people who had lost his dog, also a terrier, so we talked about dogs (we both got a little emotional over that and he wasn't afraid to be so - swoon again), work, where we lived. I had to stop a couple of times (I wasn't the only one, thank goodness), and he waited with me.
Can I tell you how hard it is to hold up your end of a conversation when you're sweating and panting and trying not to look like you're sweating or sound like you're panting? And also try to retain some measure of your feminine grace? In sex it's hot. When meeting someone for the first time, not so much.
Pause here to say that all the men were rather gallant. They walked next to or behind us on the iffy bits to make sure we got through them before they continued on, and helped us down a few really steep parts. Very gentlemanly. Take heart, it's still out there ladies!
Here's where the world gets really small. I hope you can follow this as I don't want to give too many names. Sam is a musician. When he told me that I asked where he played (I thought a band in a bar). He said an orchestra. I asked which and when he told me, I told him that my uncle had played in the same orchestra until he died over a decade ago. He asked his name, I told him, and he told me that he'd bought my uncle's cello (that's what my uncle played and Sam too) after his death, from my uncle's partner (my real uncle, brother to my mother. The two men were together long before I was born, so my cello-playing uncle was always considered family).
I almost cried - how beautiful is it that my uncle's cello is still being played in that orchestra? Wonderful. We were both surprised and pleased by it. (If you're a poet, hands off - I write poetry too and this one's mine.)
By that time we'd returned to the head of the trail and all parted ways. We'd completed 2.8 miles in 1 1/2 hours. Not bad for people who don't hike, which is what the group is for.
Seriously, it could not have been better. The group had great chemistry, we worked well together, negotiating the terrain and navigating the trail. At one point we ended up off the red trail and on the YELLOW trail (how this happened, none of us knew - we need to work on this, I know), and Charlie remembered the placement of the yellow trail on the map and got us back to the blue trail. So we covered the primary colors.
I got in my car, drank a whole bottle of water, took some ibuprofen (splitting headache), and sang to the radio all the way home. I loved it. I know not every Meet Up will be this fun, but I'm hoping they will be and I'm open to fun ahead. I think the Universe approves of my project.
NEXT UP: A meeting of the local science fiction society. (I'm a huge Doctor Who fan.)
WHEN: January 7, 2012
WHERE: A State Park
PEOPLE: 7 (4 women including me, 3 men, all around my age)
COST: $2 entrance into park, $1 Meet Up fee to maintain website
MILES: 34 round trip
RATING: 10/10
THEME: Nature
