MEET UP #9: Return to Witch Mountain

Another Executive Decision: I will count return Meet Up events as part of the 52 for the year. I'm not going to be like MWF Seeking BFF writer, Rachel Bertsche and run myself ragged going to new Meet Ups as well as returning to ones I like. I am one person with perimenopausal brain fog and seemingly constant fatigue from overwork (I don't know about you but the 'do more with less' mentality that most employers, including mine, have had for the last, um, 5 recession years is getting pretty old. What say we all have a collective nervous breakdown and get some rest?) so there's only so much I can take on before my head explodes.

I've been off the radar a bit because I went to do a writing residency in Virginia, from which I left early because the location wasn't 'all that' (weird vibe, weird people, though I did write 50 pages), and decided I could squeeze in a Meet Up, rather than fall even further behind. (I'm behind two Meet Ups.) If interested in details, check out my website: The Real Writer.

So I returned to the Tarot Meet Up, which I'm affectionately calling Witch Mountain. This session was on the use of a pendulum and the gentleman I met last time (who was a little less intense, thank goodness), had made all of us beautiful pendulums. We chose the one we felt most drawn to. Mine has a deep blue stone at the bottom (the pendulum has to have weight at the end, preferably a somewhat elongated or pointed object), that looks like the night sky as twilight deepens. That wonderful deep, bright, magical blue. The stones at the other end are opalescent, which I love as well.

You can buy a pendulum or make your own - a bead on the end of a string, even a paper clip on the end of a string. Women often have on a necklace on with a pearl or stone or something metallic on the end of a chain - that will work as a pendulum.

This is also called 'dowsing.' You know what this is - think using a forked stick to look for water. People also look for minerals and oil this way, among other things. It's an old practice - there are 8,000 year old cave paintings showing a man walking with a forked stick in front of him.

We were given a stack of charts to use with the pendulum - alphabets, totem animals, yes/no, health, among others.

The process is simple: 

Very first thing is determine what a 'yes' and a 'no' look like for you. Some people get a left to right swing for no, and a circle for yes, some get other signs.

Hold the end opposite to the stone with your thumb and forefinger in your dominant hand, 4 inches from the end of the pendulum, very still, and ask the pendulum to show you a no. Once it's clear what a no is. Ask it to show you a yes. Then ask your test questions to make sure it's working properly. If it's a sunny day, ask if it's raining within 100 feet of your home (be specific - it could be raining somewhere), or if it's raining, ask if it's sunny within 100 feet of your home. If you don't get the right answer, you may not have tested for yes and no properly.

If you receive a hesitant swing, you might want to ask more questions until the swing gets stronger. Conversely, a strong swing means you've received the right answer.

Pretty simple. Our yes/no chart had 'maybe' and also 'rephrase question' and, let me tell you, several times the pendulum swung very clearly in these directions. Wild.

If you're using a chart, first touch the end of the pendulum (usually some kind of stone) to the paper of the chart you are using so it 'knows' what it's working with (okay, make fun all you want, just telling you what I learned). Ask your question in such a way that the pendulum can choose an answer from the chart. If it's an alphabet chart, it will spell out the answer by swinging to each letter of each word in turn. On our chart there was a section for 'new word' so you knew when there was a new word being spelled out.

We started with totem animals. Mine was a raven, which I loved, of course, because I'm a poet in Baltimore.

We were taken through each chart. Some were in Greek, some related to runes. I won't use those.

I held my hand very very very still. Even propped it on the table, and the thing would just start swinging out of nowhere in one direction or another. I don't care if you think it's weird or unbelievable. It seems to work. Maybe there is one thing you can believe in where divination is concerned, and this is it.

The meeting was over two hours again. Our leader likes to ramble a lot, off topic, which is sometimes interesting, sometimes frustrating. She was in deep discussion with another woman for whom she is doing some de-evil work (unhexing? Not sure what to call it). This woman brought a Ouija board and other items from Germany where she lived in a house once occupied by Nazis. Apparently, once she moved everything here, some not so nice things happened - personality changes in family members, items missing, creepy feeling in the house). I wished they'd gone into more detail, but as far as she'd go was that a box this woman had given her, that she'd encased in kosher salt and buried in the ground for a month, had been discovered to have strange markings on it once it was dug back up. Markings that hadn't been there before. Hmmm....

After I left I drove to my sister's house for a late brunch. My family is used to my weirdness and thinks this Meet Up project is cool, so they wanted to hear what happened and try the pendulum. We started with totem animals. Dad got a stag, Mom got a dog (she was so happy), my brother-in-law got a hare (as in rabbit. He was a little annoyed that he got a hare and my father got the stag), and my sister didn't get anything. The pendulum was totally still and wouldn't move.

When I asked if it was because she didn't believe, the pendulum swung in a wide circle (which is my 'yes'). My sister laughed and said, "It's because I have no soul."

We moved to asking general questions. My brother-in-law was the most skeptical but he said later that he watched my hand carefully and I wasn't making any movement that could start such wild swinging.

Eventually it devolved into silly questions like them asking what stocks they should sell so we stopped.

My family is not spiritual and very earthbound, grounded, so any time I can shake things up a little bit (even if I'm not sure I totally believe in whatever is doing the shaking), It's a good thing. They were, as Lizzy Bennet said in Pride and Prejudice, "excessively diverted."

And though I edit myself with them - in terms of how much of myself I show them and what I say - it's nice to just let it all hang out once in a while and see how they react. This time a very positive reaction. I was surprised to find out my mother totally believed in stuff like this. "Go buy a Ouija board," she said. "I'll stay up all night asking questions with you. I think it's cool."

Pretty sure Dad is like my sister and doesn't believe in it. But he was pleased about the stag. :)

At the next meeting we are all going to get a past life reading. I think I'll definitely have to go to that. If it turns out I was Cleopatra or Madame Curie, it's all over. I'll be the first to admit it's all bullshit. But if I was a peasant in Bulgaria who died in childbirth or the plague in the Middle Ages, well, maybe....

**Credit must be given to the maker of the awesome charts at http://www.mirrorwaters.com/.** If you'd like to try it, here's a free e-book of charts to use for download: E-Book of Charts

WHEN:          March 18, 2012
WHERE:        Public Library
WHO:            1 man, 9 women (including me)
COST:            $3
MILES:          15.8 miles RT
RATING:       7/10
THEME:        Metaphysical

Meet Up #8: Women Without Children

The day before this event I hosted my state's poetry recitation contest finals all day. Though inspiring, and I'm happy we have a great state champion to send to nationals, it's a long day and I wasn't feeling particularly social the next day, Sunday, for the Meet Up - a brunch in a French cafe to discuss the book: MWF Seeking BFF.

First the book: It sounds like a great idea, right? When I heard about it I was so excited to read it. One of my closest friends has moved to London and my best friend lives in California. We haven't seen each other in five years and don't talk all that often (I know what you're thinking but that's another story). She has little kids and that's her focus. So I thought the book would jive with my Meet Up Project and give me some pointers.

It did do that - a few. But it definitely was not what the Publisher's Weekly review here says:

"In her thought-provoking, uproarious memoir, Bertsche blends the story of her girl-dates (whom she meets everywhere from improv class to friend rental websites) with the latest social research to examine how difficult—and hilariously awkward—it is to make new friends as an adult."

This book was not uproarious or hilarious. There was so much tell and so little show that I didn't have any emotional response to her experience. There's no real tension, no - Who will win the best friend slot? We don't get enough of the actual interaction with the women to care. And the book is drowning in research. Out of nowhere the author throws in statistics for no real purpose. 95% of it was unnecessary. For example, she talks about how people are moving and so that often means losing touch with friends: insert several paragraphs of statistics about that. She talks about gaining weight because she's out meeting people for meals so much - insert some research about that. The leaps to the research are awkward and unnecessary and cut off any momentum that might have built up over whatever she's describing. It's a serious buzz kill (or buzz cramper, as a friend of mine used to say).

It's clear that the author loves her some research! What she also should have loved is telling an actual story. There's no real arc to the book, and she often groups friend dates together like this: "Friend Date 35-40: Bleh." Then throws in more research. I saw this as a means of escaping really engaging with the writing. She has some good moments, but her descriptions were pretty pedestrian. There's no real scene setting or interesting characterization of who she is meeting. A better approach would have been to pick five or six of the women with whom she had the best connection and follow the progression of those friendships, alternating with chapters where she summarized other dates, only sharing the most awkward and the most interesting.

She's a cute girl and I respect that she wrote the book and went on this pilgrimage to friendship, but she's very young. And I can't help it, but I was turned off by the superficiality of it all. It took two-thirds of the book for her to finally realize she wasn't thinking of what type of friend she was being to others, what she could offer them. Instead, she'd only been thinking of what kind of friend she wanted and who wasn't filling the bill. If you're over forty, you'll have had most if not all the realizations about yourself and friendship that she finally has near the end of the book.

If you're looking for a light, fluffy read, this is it. If you're looking for something deeper, it's not. The women in the book club group were mostly forties, some fifties. We're looking for something deeper, more soulful even.

For the record, my not liking the book has nothing to do with the fact that the girl with my name in the book is the one she 'rented' in order to make her friend date quota for the week! :)

My fellow Meet Uppers mostly felt the same. We only spent about ten minutes trying to get a conversation going about the book, then gave up because no one was really interested. Instead we got to know one another. We were in a balcony area at a long narrow table. With fourteen of us, that didn't make it possible to talk to anyone except maybe five people - those on either side, and the three or so across from you.

This is one of two groups for women without children that I joined. It's hard to see friends with families. I know that's their priority and there often isn't time for friends, they do what they can. And I'm happy to spend that time with them because I'm lucky to have cool ones! Still, it's nice to meet women who don't have those attachments and are someone you might call, like MWF author says, for an impromptu pedicure or movie.

The restaurant:

Let's go back to the beginning: since I've been doing this Meet Up thing for two months, when I walked in and saw a woman standing alone by the hostess desk, I smiled at her and said, "Hi, are you in the book club?" and she answered, "Yes, I'm Kelly" and we shook hands. She seemed a little relieved. This was a nice start, because we chatted and went up the stairs to the table together. She appeared to be in her forties, a redhead with big eyes, wearing a great thick gray marled sweater I coveted. 

I picked my seat and ran down to the ladies room, where I ran into another woman around my age, Rita. She had shoulder length brown hair, an easy, wide smile, and brown eyes. She had that effortlessly thrown together, chic look: jeans tucked into brown boots, a blouse, a dark brown suede jacket (with a suit cut, not boxy), and a silky cream-colored scarf wound around her neck.

Something told me she was also part of the meeting so when I walked out of the stall and saw her and she immediately said "Hi," I said, again, "Hi, are you in the book club?" "Yes," she said. "How did you know?" I said, "I guessed, but you're alone so thought, maybe...."

She laughed and answered, "Well, I don't usually bring men into the ladies room." Duh. I had to laugh. Later, I thought, well you can bring girlfriends in if you're with them and she'd been alone so....That's what I'd been thinking at the time but couldn't get it together enough to say.

Did I mention I'm socially awkward sometimes? I often say the wrong thing or take things too literally and appear gullible. My brain is so overloaded by the newness and the anxiety of the experience, that any and all intellectual ability is shut down to save energy for being "on" and for not running away.

We walked upstairs together. She was graceful, tall, and slim, none of which I am, so I felt the way I do when I'm walking upstairs ahead of a man. Like the person is looking at my giant butt. I don't have a giant butt, really, not as giant as 'giant' implies. Let's just say it's by no means nonexistent. I'm guessing the man behind me enjoys the view as I've been complimented on it numerous times. But women usually draw other conclusions. Not to imply that Rita is judgmental. She seemed a generous, friendly spirit. The point is: I felt awkward.

Eventually everyone arrived, including a woman I met on the hike in January. I'd sent her a message on Meet Up the week before when I saw we were in the same group, this group for women without children, and that we were both attending the brunch. I asked if she'd finished the book and if she'd been on any other hikes. She wrote back and said hi, that she was almost finished, and hadn't had time for any other hikes. So she just responded exactly to my questions, but didn't offer anything further or say anything like, "Great! I look forward to seeing you again!" Oh well.

When she arrived we greeted each other and she sat across from me. Almost immediately, the volume of the meeting went up. I guess, on a hike, you can't really be so loud, you're focusing on not falling into a stream or a ravine, and you get winded, but not so sitting at a table. Wow. She was so loud she was almost shouting, sometimes she was shouting in a very cringe-inducing way. Big voice. Big laugh. Big gestures. The restaurant wasn't quiet and fourteen women talking at once, or even half of them talking at once can make you have to raise your voice, but still.

Not to be unkind. Just too big a personality all the way around for me.

Could have been nerves. Maybe. I'd been thinking this would be good - a second meeting. Another step towards getting to know each other. I thought I'd invite her to go horseback riding which we both expressed an interest in on the hike. Now I don't think so.

Most of the women lived in the area. Only one other woman had driven down from out my way. They were all married, except maybe for Rita and Kelly. Different backgrounds - businesswomen, homemakers, teachers. We played the usual: What do you do? Where do you live? Have you been to a Meet Up before? game. Many of the women were new to Meet Up. One woman, Joanne, told this funny story about going to a Meet Up the year before and never going again until this brunch because it had been so weird.

"It was in this woman's house and only two of us showed up. I thought it was strange - to be in her house - but I went anyway. When I got there her kids were running around and she was cooking in the kitchen. She said things were too noisy so would we mind talking in the sitting room of her bedroom? Again, I thought that was strange but I went. In the end, we sat on her bed, which was so weird. She also had a tupperware thing of some drink she'd made. It looked like KoolAid. But don't worry, I didn't drink the KoolAid! I stayed half an hour, then checked my watch and said, 'Wow, look at the time! The drive took longer than I thought and now I have to get back to meet my husband.' I got out as fast as I could and was so scarred I didn't go to another Meet Up for a year!"

We all joked with her about it. She laughed right along with us. I told her, "Next time you sign up for something and you're thinking it's weird, post on this group's page and we'll all vote as to whether or not you should or shouldn't go!"

She also voiced concerns we've all had. She said she meets people but they don't seem to stick. It makes her wonder if it's her, if there was something wrong with her. We all nodded. I think we're all just too busy. We want close friendships but would prefer to meet the perfect one and go from zero to best friends. Otherwise you need to put in so much time in between and any number of things can go wrong. If life intervenes and you can't see each other for a while during the early stages of the friendship, the whole thing could fall apart, both women could lose interest, without the reinforcement of hanging out.

Another woman, Hannah, moved to a new neighborhood and lives next door to her mother-in-law who is practically on top of her all the time. the MiL is lonely so wants to hang out. But Hannah wants to nip some of that in the bud and not be so available. Best way to do that, instead of hiding in the house as she's done, is go out and meet new people.

"It's gotten so bad my mother-in-law comes over to plant flowers in my garden because she's out of room in her own. I don't like the flowers she plants so I go out late at night and dig them up and blame it on deer." We all thought that was hilarious. She and her husband walk their dogs at night with headlamps on, because if they do it during the day, the mother-in-law comes running out to join them.

(Maybe she should find an age-appropriate group for her mother-in-law as she clearly needs new friends as well.) Can you picture walking your dog with a headlamp? So funny. My Westie used to bark at and chase the light reflected on the walls from my compact mirror when I put on my makeup in the morning. If I'd walked him with a headlamp he'd have run himself ragged.

There were some women who were very quiet, but by and large a group of good-humored women. However, I didn't 'recognize' anyone except maybe Rita. It's like with men. You meet them and you can either picture yourself with them or you can't. If I meet a woman I can't picture spending time with, then I probably won't. I couldn't really picture going to the movies with any of them. Or that last minute pedicure.

I will go again to another event because you never knew. New people show up all the time. And as I've said before, if I spend time just with them in a group, that's also fine.

If I were the MWF author, I'd now insert the research she did about how being part of a group that meets regularly raises your life expectancy or level of happiness or self worth or something by such and such percent.

But I'm not. Aren't you glad?

WHEN:          March 4, 2012
WHERE:        French Cafe
WHO:            14 women (including me)
COST:            $20 ($5 Meet Up dues and I ordered the Brioche French Toast,
                        one of the pricier items. It was worth it.)
MILES:          64.19 miles RT
RATING:       8/10
THEME:        Social/Literary

(You may have noticed I'm down a Meet Up. I missed another one so will make it up this week. I drove out to a huge state park for a hike and talk about trees in winter and how they start to change as spring approaches, but the road I turned on in the park became so deeply grooved and full of rocks that I couldn't continue. I don't have a Jeep or a SUV. I couldn't risk a flat or shaking up the car so badly my alignment would be thrown. As it was, I'd accidentally popped my trunk and in the rock and bounce of getting out of the park, the trunk kept banging against the lock and a piece broke off so it wouldn't close. I didn't notice because I had the radio on. When I finally did, I had to pull into a supermarket and buy clothesline so I could tie it down. Cost $80 to fix it! I was sorry to miss the meeting. I have an obsession with trees. I take pictures of them all the time. Must have 100 of them by now. (See post about astrology meeting.))

MEET UP #7: Love Tarot

This was my real Meet Up for the week (the astrology Meet Up was the make up for the Venus Ritual miss.).

We met at a table in the comic books section of a county public library. First I had to wait outside for ten minutes in a freezing wind because the library didn't open until 1:00 (not noted in the Meet Up instructions. There's only so much research I'm going to do about the location ahead of time. Perhaps I should do more than directions, but isn't that the organizer's territory?) and the meeting was also at 1:00. This library is known for its story time and so I was amid clusters of parents and children. Many screaming babies.

Nothing like a freezing wind and screaming babies to make you want to run for your car and go home to hot tea and a book (currently MWF Seeking BFF - more about that in another post - I'm reading it for a book club Meet Up for a group that is for women without children). Maybe winter is not the best time to start these projects. I never want to leave the house. I've become quite ridiculously delicate about the cold in the last few years. Friends sometimes call me a pauvre petite fleur (poor little flower). I also irrationally hate wind.

Then there was the location which can only be described as depression-inducing - the library faced a strip mall:

There are many parts of my charming city that don't come off well in winter....Though you have to give them some credit for attempting some pride with the banners on the poles.

Finally the doors opened and I went inside. Not knowing where the comic book section was, I asked at the desk. Imagine the librarian's face when I said I was looking for the tarot group that meets here. She didn't know and had to ask someone else who also didn't know so we had to ask someone else. Pretty soon we'd asked most of the staff and eventually reached someone who knew. Where was it? A set of tables pretty much right behind the circulation desk. So embarrassing!

A middle-aged heavyset gentleman I can only describe as looking like Italian mafia (but softspoken and friendly) was already sitting there. He had several decks of tarot cards and also a lunchbox cooler thing filled with several more. I had a pack, The Eclectic Tarot, an Austrian 78 card deck created in 1986. The names of each card are in English and German. If you'd like to see some pics of the cards, go here.

I bought the deck when I lived in Southern California, from the famous Psychic Eye bookshop on Ventura Blvd in Sherman Oaks (I think they've moved, though. I seem to remember them being in Canoga Park or Woodland Hills when I lived there). A wonderful place - red curtained alcoves for readings, tables covered with black cloth, displaying books and crystals and jewelry and stones. Dark velvety-looking walls. All sorts of other mysterious things I can't remember (like a silk bag to hold your tarot cards and a velvet cloth to spread them on. Everything has its accoutrements). The store opened in 1985 and call themselves the oldest metaphysical bookstore in the country. I don't know if this is true. Only that it's the first of it's kind that I discovered.

I never used the cards. I would lay them out and look at them but could never truly connect with them or do a spread. I read books on tarot, though. Does that count? (In fact, since this Meet Up I have thrown the deck out so I could buy one I actually liked.)

I sat down and talked tarot decks with Ben, let's call him, until the others arrived. He was happy to show me all his decks. He wanted me to use them when I got a reading later on in the meeting, but I didn't like his decks or his eagerness. He stared at me A LOT during the two hours I was there. I got that creepy, "Uh-oh, he likes me" feeling. Creepy because I was not at all interested. He seemed like a nice guy but - no.

Barbara, the leader of the group showed up next (forties), then Kim (about thirty), and then another, younger girl (twenties), Shelly. Shelly sat next to me. She was a tiny, birdlike girl wearing a bright orange-ish T-shirt with what I thought was another colorful long-sleeved shirt on underneath. It took me a half hour to finally realize that all the flowers and vines covering her arms were tattoos. She also had several piercings. I'm always fascinated by people who get lots of tattoos and piercings. I want to know what they are trying to distract us from seeing about them. Is it really their way of celebrating their body? I'm not always so sure.

Barbara was wearing a Christmas sweatshirt and was also quite heavy (that seemed to be the norm for the group). I get very self-conscious around heavier people. Self-conscious for being thinner. Isn't that ridiculous? Like I've done something wrong. Like I'm not being supportive enough of their lifestyle choice. I told you I'm weird.

The last person to arrive, Kim, had shoulder-length curly hair, was wearing a bright blue cable sweater (good color for her), and lipstick. She was more put together. She had a presence and some sass, which made me like her immediately. I realize now that she was at the full moon circle ceremony I went to a few weeks ago, a few people down from where I was in the circle.

For some reason, everyone in the group had been in the military (there were references as they all caught up), which made me wonder if that was somehow a requirement for joining? Maybe I'd missed something? Turned out not, but it was an odd moment.

Barbara handed out some spreads she'd created, including this one, a heart (a love life reading, for February):

The notes are mine, because this is the reading Barbara gave me during the meeting.

Again, everyone was really nice, but I could see the question on their faces. What was I doing there? It was not my neighborhood at all (I'd crossed some sort of line and experienced a cultural shift - was among people with a different style (is using 'class' verboten now? One never knows anymore what is PC) and they knew it. I mean, if I felt it, I'm sure they did too.

I don't mean any of this in a judgmental way. We were all just different from each other. And so I felt like a fish out of water in a way I hadn't felt up until then. The vibe made me feel very lonely. I've spent 8 weeks in this project, spending most of my weekends meeting new people, not with my friends, and I was starting to feel very disconnected and alone rather than connected. I haven't had time to go to any of these groups again, which would be necessary to begin to cement any possible connections, but I also haven't felt really excited and hopeful about anyone I've meet.  

It didn't help that one of those darn babies started screaming at top volume on the other side of the bookcase that separated us from the unfortunate parents.

I tried to dive in and ask questions. I thought there'd be more teaching about tarot, but there wasn't. It was general catch up and then Barbara gave us some of her own books that she wanted to get rid of (I took one on tarot), and then she suggested we do a reading on someone and all read the cards.

Well, I had nothing to offer in the way of skills. Despite my reading books on the subject, I haven't practiced and built up any intuitive rapport/connection with my cards so I offered to be the person read.

I used Kim's cards, which were brightly colored, sort of pastel, but a little deeper, and delicately drawn.

This seemed like a great idea until I laid out the cards in the heart spread and experienced four strangers giving me a spot on, intimate reading about my love (or lack of) life. I heard good things but felt most uncomfortable!

Here's what the spread looked like:

I took notes on what they said the cards were telling them:

I have a lot going on and I'm doing what I can to keep it all from closing in on me. Still, there's a lot around me and I need to clear a path out of the stress all I'm involved in is causing. (Yep.)

New beginnings and new hope, positive energy, happiness and beauty are on the way.

My focus is changing, the energy of trying too hard, the force of will is leaving, learning to use my energy wisely is coming in.

I have a hard time receiving. Need to work on that.  (I'm usually doing for other people. This is a problem most women have.)

Regarding a relationship - I would like one, but don't want to be tied down. I need independence. (True.)

I don't want to be someone's pet, fawned over. I prefer taking care of someone else. (This was in the position of a need that won't be met so I guess I'm going to be in a relationship where I need to learn to be taken care of sometimes.)

I will have to share the power in the relationship, let go of need for control.

(When is the good coming in, you ask? It's in here - these are all things I know so were reinforced, which is good.)

My partner will not be as into structure. We're like a stained glass window. I'm the metal framing and he's the color.

I'm entering a period of balance, happiness, re-evaluation, and discovery.

I need to work on learning to be a good partner to myself first, before I can be one for someone else. Stop pushing myself so hard.

My partner will be generous, stable, in a good spot in life. I'll need to accept and receive his generosity. He's a professional and an air sign. There was some debate about which air sign and they settled on Aquarius with Capricorn rising. I don't know what that means but they were adamant about this and very pleased about who this guy is.

I'm looking for all those things so bring him on!

Everyone else got a reading as well with some of the other love spreads (one was drawn as a bouquet of roses). Apparently Kim is going back to school (grad degree) where she's going to meet a younger guy who keeps her busy in the bedroom. She blushed a lot at this, but seemed pleased. I was glad for her, but also glad that wasn't in my cards. Probably because of the fifteen years I have on her as well. I hope he's nice to her, adores her, and takes her out to dinner once in a while to give her a break!

Shelly also got a reading. She brought the "Crow" deck. Everyone seemed to think these were very cool. They were dark cards with pointy shapes - crows and spiders and other menacing creatures I couldn't identify on blood red or bright puce backgrounds. They creeped me out.

After two and a half hours I just had to leave. It was nearly four on a Sunday and I'm very careful with my Sunday late afternoons/evenings. I want to squeeze as much down time out of them as possible in preparation for returning to work Monday.

Plus, I couldn't take the screaming baby one more second.

We gave Barbara some ideas for other classes, which all sounded interesting (like using pendulums. The mafia guy makes them and will make one for each of us), so I would like to go back. This is an odd place to be in. SO not belonging (even more a feeling of not belonging than usual), but intrigued by the people in the group and wanting to learn more about tarot. I can't go to the March meeting as I'll be doing a week-long writing residency, but I will go at least one more time.

The groups I'd like to and intend to return to so far:

Hiking
Full moon circle
Tarot
Astrology

I was drawn to Kim's directness and strong personality, but she was also friendly and it was generous of her to let me use her cards. She also goes to one of the other pagan groups that I signed up to participate in so we were bound to run into each other eventually. I sent her a message a week or so later, asking for her suggestions on where I could buy a new deck because I didn't like mine. Here's our exchange (I had a cold at the time).

Mine:

"Hi Kim - thanks again for the use of your cards at the tarot meeting last weekend. I would love to find a new deck. Any suggestions for a place with a good selection? And I am pretty sure I can't make the herb meet up tonight because my cold is still dragging me down. But if a nap restores me a bit, I might take you up on the invitation to crash your table."

Kim's:

“I would recommend crystals, candles and cauldrons (they have the gendron which is the deck I use). The store is in hampden. Another option is the crystal fox, if you're willing to make the trip down to laurel. There is also the turning wheel in north east baltimore on bel air road, but I haven't been there for a few years. Hope you feel better!”

Sounds pretty good, don't you think? It was my first reach out on the Meet Up site in an attempt to pursue a possible connection. I won't say friendship about anyone yet because I haven't seen anyone twice and it may be that I only hang out with certain people in the context of the Meet Up itself, not outside of that structure. To move a friendship forward you have to eventually step outside of the existing context, whether it's work or a group or whatever (sports thing, volunteering, etc.) to have experiences together outside of the group.

And so we edge our way forward!

WHEN:          February 19, 2012
WHERE:        Public Library
WHO:            1 man, 4 women (including me)
COST:            $2
MILES:          15.8 miles RT
RATING:       6/10
THEME:        Metaphysical